for years, the kids have come home from their church classes with elaborate karate moves symbolizing how they will “kick the devil out.” it was cute and fun at first, but the more they were taught about the actual power of claiming the name of Jesus and speaking it against evil, the more this has transformed our household. i pray for protection over them when they go to sleep, not only physical protection but spiritually as well. i went to sleep last night with this song on my mind: WHAT THE ENEMY MEANT FOR EVIL, YOU TURN IT FOR GOOD! i walked into church this morning, and as soon as…

i often listen with admiration as people talk about how great they feel after eliminating certain foods from their diet, full of energy and clarity, yet i cling heavily to the coffee crutch under one arm and the ice cream crutch under the other. some discipline would do me good! in the same way, social media is a crutch that seems to not only fuel my day but it ultimately backfires and causes me harm. comparison, jealousy, depression, anger, sadness, lonliness. i deleted my facebook account the other day. thanks to a hacker and harassment, though the nudge was probably what i needed. will anyone notice? will i be missed?…

in a world where perfection and flawlessness is sought after, i was struck the other day when looking in the mirror. i had hip replacement surgery six months ago, granted not a life changing or altering surgery, but for me it was a monumental step in trying to end eighteen years of chronic pain. in the mirror, my eyes focus on the scar. i love it. i am proud of it. i hope it doesn’t fade. it symbolizes strength and resilience to me but also reminds me just how damaged my hip was before and of all the pain i endured leading up to the scar. i have emotional scars…

i have experienced a pride deep in my soul to be a nurse. although i am not on the front lines in the hot zones, i have had just a glimpse of the impact of this disease in my own workplace and i am HONORED to be part of this profession. when i see the footage or photos of the healthcare teams on the front lines, their grief, fear and unwavering dedication are palpable. they are heroes because they risk themselves to save others. we were designed to live in community. isolation has been painful, depressing and lonely. it has highlighted the family unit and for me as a single…

i looked over at her in the glow of the christmas tree, she had her gold microphone in one hand and with the other she beamed with excitement and animation. she demanded everyone’s attention while she sang her favorite song, “she’s in love with the boy.” i watched her as if i was watching my eight year old self that very christmas that i received a cassette tape of the same song. i’m sure i demanded attention and danced around carelessly in the same manner. smiled from ear to ear and giggled with magical excitement. but as all of this unfolded before and in me, i felt empty. i wondered…

scrolling through this blog, i stumbled across this draft i wrote sometime last year. i’m not sure why i never published these words but as i sit here today, thankful for the healing God has brought me so far, i am also completely humbled and broken as i can feel the weight of the desperation i was feeling when these words came out… As I sat on the couch in my counselor’s office this week, a new counselor, over three years after the start of my journey with major depression, it felt like the beginning again. This time felt a little different, perhaps a bit more comfortable because I was…

this season of life looks like a busy blur of honestly just making it through the day. waking early, getting two kids ready for and to school, working full time, picking the kids up, homework, dinner, play, bath, bed..middle of the night bad dreams, snuggles, potty trips…and a whole lot of exhaustion, frustration and sibling quarrels sprinkled in there as well. this season is weighted with a worn out body afflicted with pain from a chronic injury. surgery will need to be on the horizon though the weight of figuring out how to fit that and recovery into all that’s on my plate seems impossible. just as light finds it’s…

i love the initial response to vacation…”ahhh how relaxing.” i’m still perplexed by this idea because what i have experienced in my 37 years of family vacations and traveling is…chaos. stress. schedules. exhaustion. now don’t get me wrong, seeing new sights and experiencing new things are wonderful and worth it all! things shift dramatically when you begin traveling with, deep breath, small children. how in the world are you supposed to discipline an unruly child on an airplane? i considered my usual threat of taking away privileges such as the fun pending event…impossible. the plane is going to land in the destination and there’s no taking that away! is it…

excitedly, i get caught up during the year with my kids in the countdowns and the anticipation for summer break…but in reality, summer around here looks much like the rest of the year for my family. there are still “school” nights and routines, long work days for me and daycare for them. growing up, my mom was a teacher so summer break meant getting to stay in the care of her during the summer. most of my memories involve roaming the neighborhood with my sister on our bikes, building forts in the woods and swimming until the lifeguard kicked us out at the end of the day. adventure fueled my…