what i want my daughter to learn
I joined my kindergartener for lunch and her pal noticed my scrubs, “my mommy is a nurse too. A hospice nurse.” “So am I!” I replied.
And my daughter’s eyes lit up as she told me that she has been telling her friends that. It’s like the pride I take in my job rubbed off onto her. Later that day, she asked me what hospice was. I told her the truth. I let her know that I take care of very sick people that are dying. Both of our eyes welled up with tears and she asked me why? I knew in that moment that she wasn’t questioning the work I chose but instead asking the harder question to answer. And beyond that answer she wanted to know more about dying. The fear, the pain, the unknown. So we talked openly about death. We talked about heaven and God and Jesus.
We sang Amazing Grace.
We talked about my grandparents who are dead. And a puppy Gracie knew that died. Tough conversations. As i was driving across the county in the middle of the night while on call to pronounce the death of a patient at their home; I had the revelation that gracie really didn’t know much about my job. She certainly didn’t know that while she and her brother were tucked into their beds at grandma’s house on Wednesday nights, I am taking calls and responding to deaths or other urgent needs. I am holding the hands of mourning family members. I am praying. I am helping the dying to be the most comfortable and peaceful as possible. and while she is at school I am doing the same.
More than the what I do; I want her to know the why I do it. that God has given me a gift of compassion and care and He has asked me to use that gift carefully and thoughtfully to bring Him glory; similarly as I speak to her daily about her responsibility to have a kind heart. And I truly believe that she gets it.
Just as we celebrate the beautiful miracle of a child entering this world; I believe with all of my heart that sometimes we are given the opportunity to do the same with death. It doesn’t have to be taboo to talk about or think about. We can dream about how we would wish our exit from this world would be. And while those details are all up to God, we can celebrate that that time will be holy and precious all alike.
Some of the greatest milestones to watch in her life have been her character development. The moments where she displays sincere compassion; when she tells me that she is praying for my sick patients; when she begs God to heal or to care for others. I am deeply proud of her!