a better me

i’ve replayed the conversations i have had the most over the past few months and i hear complaining. ugh that is not me! well it’s not who i want to be. i am anxious, high drama, nervous and stressed when things are tough. i have been complaining so much lately about my lack of sleep and worse my parenting #fail for not being able to get rad to sleep for very long at night. woe to me. I’M GOING TO BLINK AND HE WILL BE GROWN UP. why am i not joyfully embracing the moments that stand still in his nursery? why am i not thanking God for the extra snuggles and rad’s desire to be with his momma ALL. THE. TIME? a little rest helped put this into perspective. i am not me when i’m sleep deprived. at least i’m not who i want to be. i’m mean, and complainy, negative and joyless. those closest to me know that i have a hard time asking for help, not because of pride, but because i’m afraid to put someone out. my sister watched rad for a little while the other day and i apologized when i dropped him off because i knew he’d want to be held the entire time or be fussy if put down. WHO DOES THAT! who apologizes for their fussy baby. that’s what babies do! and he’s so adorable, i’m sure she was delighted to get to spend time with him! my kids deserve a better me. my husband deserves a better me. those around me deserve a better me…SO HERE’S TO A BETTER ME. here’s to more laughing, to taking this phase lightly and to NOT taking a single minute for granted.

“whatever” flew out of gracie’s mouth the other day and i nearly fell over. when did she grow up? more importantly, where did she learn that?