change of plans

i had great expectations for this summer break from work, particularly that we would be called right away with a foster placement and we would have plenty of time to adjust before i returned to work. oh my goodness, i had it all planned out in my mind. well i don’t believe that my hopes stray from the Lord’s plan for us but clearly my timing is off. “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (isaiah 55:9) i’m very familiar with this timing thing as i definitely struggle with being impatient. i have this sense of urgency with our foster/adoption journey. i feel like every day without the children that God has chosen us to love causes my heart to ache a little. it aches because each day we are separated from our family is another day those children do not have a home or someone to love them like crazy. in the midst of my downward spiral of despair, my sweet husband reminded me that God is good. He knows us better than we do, He works for His good. maybe those babies haven’t even been born yet!
instead, the Lord has used this summer to refine me, to completely challenge me in ways that i was not asking for or expecting. He has shaken up my heart and left me on my knees, desperate for His intervention. “get down on your knees before the Master, it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” (James 4:10) i am thankful for this twist of events because i have fallen so deeply in love with my Savior and have learned to lean heavily on Him. although the road ahead may  be bumpy, hope prevails.
in the midst of my struggles, seeking help, crying, dealing with messy life, i think some days i neglected the amazing treasure God has already entrusted me with. i definitely had some mommy fail days this summer where i was grumpy, didn’t feel like entertaining all day and was all around rather absent emotionally. in that, i learned that i am so thankful for what i have, i am content, i am overfilled with joy and i am exactly in the moment God has planned for me.
this is what we’ve been up to this summer:

“as you do not know the path of the wind or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things.” ecclesiastes 11:5

“I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” isaiah 48:17

“the heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.” proverbs 16:9