i saw that little boy’s hands grip around his dad’s neck, lethargic, pale, fear…and just like that grief struck me. this wasn’t my child. a stranger, in fact, but i recognized that grip. i recognized that chemo stricken body. i recognized that desperation. i am nearly a decade separated from that long season working in the children’s hospital where that grip became too familiar and in an instant i was emotionally right back there. and those instances leave me wondering why the impact was so forceful to bring me to my knees ten years later. “if you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a…

twenty years into my career and I recently had my first experience with trauma informed care training. i can truly say that the awareness that this is ” a real thing” has transformed the care i give, but also gives a name to the care i have always tried to provide. its holistic and empathetic. it is so clear to see how each chapter of my nursing career has led me to the next, how the people and the stories i have encountered lend the compassion i am able to give to the next. in processing my own steps and falls i am able to understand that we are all…

it’s hard to believe a year has gone by since my last post, though in some ways it has felt painfully longer than that since i have genuinely been able to feel. and express thoughts. and think deeply. my journey in depression continues but as evidenced by words coming to fruition and paint on canvases, i am thankful to have found a better balance with medications.. and life. i never imagined this to be a chronic illness but i will say that speaking of it honestly and openly has blessed me with truly God ordained friendships. did you know that it’s ok to not be ok? oh what a relief!…

the kids and i were sitting in my tiny closet a few weeks ago, riding out a tornado warning. i had my face buried in my phone as a distraction but i quickly realized that they needed me to be strong for them. in trembling voices, they kept asking me if we were going to be ok. honestly it took all i had to hold back tears of fear and anger that i was in that position. sometimes i don’t want to be the strong one. but in this life of single mom, i don’t have a choice. and as God spoke to me earlier this year, i am to…

i love to hear people’s stories. i ask a lot of questions, often skipping the small talk. i want to know you. recently when visiting with my patients, digging a little deeper to better understand their journey to needing home care, i noticed that their stories often seemed exaggerated. they commonly spoke of horrifying or traumatic hospitalizations. as i listened to these stories, and looking back on my days as an inpatient nurse, it hit me that the most common of days to some of us are perceived quite the opposite to others. and those tiny differences amplify and imprint. in the same way, i have been struggling with my…

God put the word “flourish” on my heart at the beginning of the year. we are desperate to crawl from the ashes of 2020 but for me, i feel like the season of struggle has lasted much longer. i’m tired of feeling like a burden to friends and family, of merely surviving, of disappointment, of pain, depression…God spoke to me and simply told me that i could flourish in the midst of my circumstances. this year very well may carry more suffering, but through His perfect gift, i can certainly be a woman full of grace, a mom clothed in strength, a friend able give. i was truly blessed this…

i wonder how much more pain and suffering this year will bring. i wonder how we will recover from this pandemic. i wonder if “normal” will ever exist again. i wonder…i wonder…i wonder… when so much seems to be crumbling around me this season, i turn to my kids to help me rewire my narrative. they wake every morning with a new joy. laughter is a constant sound between them. praise exits their lips when they stop to contemplate. and what i’m most inspired by is their WONDER. true wonder, the way it’s supposed to be experienced which is the surprise and admiration of something beautiful. the twinkle of christmas…

thanksgiving day marked 11 months since i walked into a surgery center and walked out the same day with a replaced hip. the surgery itself, although a major operation, is minor in my mind but the weight of the 18 years leading up to it is major to me. i began experiencing clicking and discomfort in my left hip in college, an x-ray and visit to an orthopedist later, I was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. over the course of a career that had me on my feet for over twelve hours a day, carrying the weight of two pregnancies and years of worsening pain…this diagnosis became this debility that brought…

children, parents, sinners, prodigals, rich, poor…lined up to be baptized at my church this morning. when asked what Jesus means to them, one young girl said “He’s like a brother to me,” another said “if He can die for me, why can’t I live for Him.” my role as a mom was so clear to me this morning. i am to point my babies to know, trust, love, follow Jesus. this song has been on repeat this week…God says LIVE. “since when has impossible ever stopped You,” “you’re not going to run out of miracles anytime soon,” “my God is able to save and deliver and heal anything that He…

for years, the kids have come home from their church classes with elaborate karate moves symbolizing how they will “kick the devil out.” it was cute and fun at first, but the more they were taught about the actual power of claiming the name of Jesus and speaking it against evil, the more this has transformed our household. i pray for protection over them when they go to sleep, not only physical protection but spiritually as well. i went to sleep last night with this song on my mind: WHAT THE ENEMY MEANT FOR EVIL, YOU TURN IT FOR GOOD! i walked into church this morning, and as soon as…